Message of Regret and Sadness from the Superintendent

To all Buckeye Union,

We wish to make you aware of a tragic event that has impacted the Blue Oak Elementary community. The following message was shared with Blue Oak Elementary families this evening.

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Dear Blue Oak Families,

It is with profound regret and sadness that I am reaching out to you this evening. Today, we learned that one of our 2nd grade students and their mother were the victims of a violent incident in their home and both are deceased. The alleged perpetrator was known to the family and has been placed under arrest.

News of this event came to us just as school was beginning and, throughout the day, Mrs. Hughes and a team of our psychologists and counselors have been working to support teachers and staff. Additionally, we have been planning for the reality that our students will need to be supported over the weekend and during the coming week.

First, those families with a current 2nd grade student will be receiving a call over the next 24 hours from one of our counselors. We want to partner with you in supporting your student who may have had a relationship with the student who passed.

Second, we will have counselors available tomorrow (Saturday) from 10 a.m. to noon in the school library to support parents or students who may wish to speak with someone for emotional support.

Third, there will be a team of counselors and psychologists on site throughout Monday to support students, parents, and our Blue Oak team. The day will begin with our teachers sharing the news of our school's loss with 2nd through 5th grade students. These discussions will be focused on the fact that one of our students has died and that we are here to support each other; however, discussions will not revolve around the specifics of the incident. In the event that a student needs to speak individually with a counselor, we will have numerous professionals available throughout the day and will be closely monitoring our students' need for support throughout the week. Of course, if you are observing that your child would benefit from speaking to a counselor, please notify Mrs. Hughes immediately.

If you do not want your child to be a part of the class discussion that will take place first thing Monday morning, then please notify us at this link: Click Here. We will arrange an alternative space for them.

The death of a young person is very difficult for all of us. Even those who did not know the student may experience difficulty in coping with the concept and finality of death. Your child may want to talk about this tragedy and may have difficulty in doing so. It would be appropriate for you to raise the subject. Some parents may find that their children experience noticeable reactions for a while, such as crying, periods of quietness, moodiness, or difficulty sleeping. If you are observing such behaviors and would like support, please reach out to Mrs. Hughes and she will arrange for one of our counselors to meet with your child.

When discussing death with your child, here are ideas that may help you:

• Be prepared for a variety of emotional responses. Realize that however you approach this subject, your child will be upset, and perhaps, even angry at the loss. Accept your child's emotional reactions. You will have time to address things again after your child has had time to process the initial trauma.
• Make sure to use the words "dead" or "died." Many find using the words "dead" or "died" uncomfortable—and prefer using phrases like "passed away," "lost," "crossed over," or "went to sleep"—but research shows that using realistic words to describe death helps the grieving process.
• Share information in doses. Gauge what your child can handle by giving information in small bits at a time. You'll know what more to do based on the questions your child asks.
• Be comfortable saying, "I don't know." Having all the answers is never easy, especially during a time of such heartache. It's helpful to tell your child that you may not know about certain things.
• Cry. Cry together. Cry often. It's healthy and healing.
• Let your child grieve in their own way. Allow your child to be silent about the death. It's also natural for a child to feel lonely and isolate themselves at this time, too. It's also common for children to seem unaffected by the loss. There is no right way to grieve.
• Prepare to talk about thoughts and feelings often. It is likely that you'll have to tend to the subject of death for days, weeks, and months to come. Check in and be available for ongoing discussions since mourning is a process.
• Remember to take care of yourself. As parents, we sometimes forget about taking care of ourselves during this time. Children learn what they see, so be a role model for self-care at this critical time.

Although we do not intend to discuss the details of this incident, students may still learn of the circumstances surrounding our student's death. Students who are aware of the circumstances may share them with their peers at school. Teachers will work to redirect the focus of conversations to the importance of sharing our feelings and supporting one another.

You may find that you want to have a more direct conversation with your child that includes acknowledgment of the circumstances surrounding our student's death. Here are some considerations for approaching such a conversation: Click Here.

As a school community, we will navigate this difficult time together with patience, understanding, and care for one another. Please know that the safety and well-being of our students and families remains our highest priority. We are committed to providing ongoing support for as long as it is needed.

In the days and weeks ahead, please don't hesitate to reach out to us with any concerns, questions, or if your family needs additional support. We encourage open communication between home and school as we work together to help our children process this loss and begin to heal.

Our thoughts are with the family and friends of our student during this heartbreaking time. We are grateful to be part of a community that cares so deeply for one another.

With sympathy and support,

David Roth, Ph.D.
Superintendent

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